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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
trying to be quick.
2012-04-26 @ 9:33 a.m.
i can't spend all morning on this because i really have a lot to do today. i'm just telling myself this now because i don't want to let the day get away from me. i talked to my brother at length yesterday and he's moving back up here, and in with me. i talked to boy about it and he seems to be okay with it except for the worry we all have, that my brother will get up here and go nuts and fall back into old ways. i have to have faith that he won't. he's a good kid. he's the child that i never wanted to raise, but am so glad that i did. because now he's my best friend in this world. so i have to be there for him, especially now. i know he would do it for me. i talked to my dad later, just to see where he's at with the whole thing, and he was on board. we agreed that 3-4 months would be appropriate. that's enough time for him to get my stepmom and stepsister and himself into counseling, to get the house all fixed up and together, and for my brother to heal. i'm sure not fully, but enough that he can return there in a different frame of mind. as apprehensive as we all are about this, there is this huge part of me that is so happy and excited. when he used to live up here, we hung out constantly. my brother has always been my constant companion, and when he moved 3.5 hours away, this huge piece of me went missing. so i just feel like ... conflicted. because as delighted as i am that he's coming back, this isn't how i wanted it to be. i went to best friend's school yesterday (she's also a teacher [i still consider myself a teacher, strangely]) to help her out with catering this awards ceremony. we were in the culinary arts kitchen (which was SUPER NICE! holy crap! like a commercial kitchen) putting together 1000 little finger foods, and a bunch of her students were there, too. i was working with this one kid most of the time, and he was a delight, even though i know he was trying not to be. tough ass kid, trying to be a gangster, you know the type. but i know the type even better, since all i ever had were the at-risk kids. so before you knew it, we were laughing and joking around and having a great time. and i realized that i miss the kids so much. i miss teaching, like actually doing it, and i miss the kids, a lot. but i don't miss anything else about it. not the politics, the endless endless ENDLESS paperwork, the lack of free time, being belittled and undermined by administration, harassed by parents. none of that stuff is worth the trouble for me. but i really want to be around the kids again. so the other day i came across a posting looking for mentors in my surrounding counties, all at-risk kids. i'm going to pounce. it's available part or full time, which is perfect for me. i feel really good and hopeful about it. something that's exactly what i was looking for, without realizing that it's what i was looking for. going to start the sewing project today! i'll probably finish it today, actually, because these things come together quickly. i was talking to my granny about it when i was up there, and she thought it was the cutest idea. and knowing nothing about the internet, she starts telling me that i should make up some samples and send them out to people to see if they'd be interested! and i'm like how did you read my mind, old woman!? that's exactly what i'm going to do. she's so smart. i also have some baking to do today. boy went around and told everyone at work that my lemon bars are the best he's ever had (they're the best that most people have ever had, i promise). so now they keep asking when they're going to get some. it's actually been for a couple of weeks, but i've just now had time to bake them, so i guess i will. before i go. speaking of boy, we were gaming last night. it's so hard to find good 2 player (co-op) games for xbox. i've been a nintendo fan for life, and prefer the wii because the games are much more adorable and kid (ie, me) friendly. everything on xbox is a shooter, and i'm just NOT into shooters at all, unless they're zombie shooters. but we did find a good middle ground in resident evil 5. the graphics are actually pretty stunning, and the split screen is top-bottom! how rare is that!? and it's SOOO NICE. we're having a really great time playing it together. one hour, two minutes. "i did good." |