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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
pieced together over days.
2012-05-03 @ 10:26 a.m.
we had a lobster date wednesday night, at our favorite seafood place. and instead of being reasonable people and getting just the lobster on special, we got 2 appetizers, added stuff to our entrees, dessert, and several hard ciders. a $40 dinner turned into a $125 dinner, but whatev. these things happen. when the check came, we both laughed at it, and i was told, "tonight, you're going to fall asleep with my balls in your mouth." my pleasure, if you keep spoiling the shit out of me like this. and my brother went out that afternoon, not to return until "late," so after lobster boy and i stayed up a little bit "late" and smoked our faces off and went to bed. we haven't been having sex much lately and i'm sure it's because of that goddamn stupid mustache. we don't really kiss as much as we used to either. we both hate the way it feels. i think he has one month left with it and then he's going to shave it. the day can't come soon enough, because i find facial hair completely revolting. chops? sexy as hell. completely different. but i digress. so sex was awesome, as always. i was a little bit distracted by the fact that my brother could have been coming home at any minute, but i'm pretty sure he got home after we were done. this is the one thing that's super awkward about the new living situation, but i think it will only be this way until he gets hours at work. his transfer went through already but they just have to get his paperwork filed and put him on the schedule. he'll be at work when boy and i will be home the most (he's a cook so he's usually in for the late afternoon-after dinner rush), so i think it'll go smoothly. at least i hope so. because i really love being in bed with boy. he's so attentive, so intense, so focused. i love those days that i get him started with a text, and then our evening is plan is just "pleasure," and everything else is secondary. i love the way he looks at me, focuses on my breathing. it's really important time to us that we really need, and don't want compromised. in other, non-coitus related news. i had that great sewing idea that i mentioned, and i made the prototype, as i mentioned. what i didn't mention about all this was that my sewing machine was fucking miserable to use throughout the process because it's so old and beat. i mean, i got it 10 years ago used ("refurbished") on ebay for about $100. i know sewing machines need servicing and stuff, but it's so expensive to do it that i figured it was about time that i upgrade anyway. and if i sell a few of these awesome items, it will be paid for. so i went for it and got a new computerized machine for $200. HOLY CRAP, WHAT A DIFFERENCE. i've been saying to everyone that i feel like a real asshole that i never upgraded before now, because i've just been needlessly torturing myself with this other machine. honestly, it's the difference between trying to paddle a fucking canoe with your hands vs. just using a motorboat. ridiculous. but i'm so happy about it, because the production time of this item is now halved since i don't have to spend the whole afternoon tearing apart my work because the fucking bobbin jammed for the thousandth time. so that's cool. i sold some other things from my etsy shop, too, so i guess people like my stuff. i was reading this girl's blog the other day and she was writing about how you need to stop comparing yourself to other people all the time. how it doesn't really help you. it's one thing to look, and think about how your items and your style compares, see if your pricing is reasonable. but it's another thing to think in terms of "better than" or "not as good as." every person is unique, and if you're selling stuff, there are people who like it! the biggest problem is not whether or not your stuff is good, it's whether or not enough people find it! sage advice. and seeing it coming from someone whose "style" and public face i idolize, it made me feel a lot better about myself. i have a lot to say about best friend but it's for a day that i have ALL day. but it's more nonsense from her, as usual. she's dating all these random dudes she's met on the internet, having them over her apartment after knowing them for 3-4 hours, and her kid is there. she was telling me yesterday on the phone, totally nonchalantly, that this guy she had over last night was like, "we've been on like 5 dates already, right? wouldn't it be funny if it turned out i was a crazy serial killer? and i just like, murdered you? haha!" and i was like .... ... . even "funnier" about this situation is that she went on to have sex with him later. good choices. and then her kid's father decided that he no longer wants to see his son unless she will join them and pretend they're a family. all they do is argue and [physically] fight when they're together, in front of the kid, and she's not down for doing that anymore (fucking finally). so when she told him this, he said fine then. i don't need to see him at all. (if you're just tuning in, this is the same guy that begged her and pleaded with her to keep this pregnancy because "all he's ever wanted is to be a father," and despite knowing that he's mentally unstable and an alcoholic and being told by me NUMEROUS times that it was a horrible idea and that it was going to end up shitty, she told me that i only wanted her to have an abortion because i hate kids and that i had no idea what i'm talking about. now fast forward to yesterday when she's telling me that she wishes she never had her son.) so the conclusion to this story is that if you decide to have a kid for any other reason than truly wanting a kid, you're a fucking asshole who's going to ruin a lot of lives. it's funny, because a buddy just wrote recently about her friends also being terrible people, causing her to question what kind of person she must be. don't worry. it's not just you. i wonder how i can be friends with this person, too. it's just that you know a person for so long, i think. you know all of the good things about them, and how decent they can be, that you can't let them go. i guess as long as she's not ruining my life, she's free to make whatever choices she wants in her own. i don't have to agree with them, but i can certainly have an opinion. i might have more later, or tomorrow. it's hard now with my brother home all day with me. i know i could show him this and he would never tell a soul, but i need to keep some things to myself. |