profile entries archives refresh
tinea:any of a number of infectious diseases



�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes

interact

note
email
random entry
image credit


credits

design by : ilazarn ikmal
powered by : diaryland
what were you even thinking? or were you thinking at all?
2012-08-06 @ 9:14 p.m.


today boy did something so stupid and so dangerous on his way home that i was just freaking out. i was shaking i was so mad and upset and scared. and after i wrote all of that great stuff about him! it was SO stupid and just ... unbelievably stupid. i know he meant well, but my side of the argument was that 1) people these days are different. this isn't 1965. people will fucking kill you these days. and 2) was he even thinking about us? what would we do without him? over something so incredibly stupid? i said, can you even imagine little A finding out that his father was murdered? over something so stupid??? and he said, to be honest, i didn't even think about any of that stuff. that's why i was mad, because he didn't THINK.

so we didn't have anything to say to each other pretty much all afternoon, until as we're sitting down to dinner he finds out i was still making his favorite dessert that he had asked for yesterday. he thought i was so mad that i wasn't going to. he said, "you still like me?" and i replied, "yeah, but barely." and he looked legitimately wounded by that, and i gave him the raised eyebrow of, yeah. good. you'd better feel bad. but that's when i was able to stop being mad at him, when he realized that it's not a joke. i love him. he has me and his child. he can't act like he's a teenager anymore.

when we were yelling at (really, talking in slightly raised voices to) each other, he was like, "you're being so condescending!" and i said yeah, because i really thought you were smarter than this.

when little A was gone he hugged me and told me he was sorry, and thank you. i said, you're my favorite. and he said, i know. you're my favorite too. really. i really hope he remembers this, and this other thing that happened recently that was pretty scary, too. it's not such a friendly world out there. but please, remember that there is so much more that is worth it than getting in the last word. i really can't imagine my life without him. and to lose him like that ...