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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
kittens and computers, not in that order.
2013-10-31 @ 8:44 a.m.
i was writing this huge thing the other day about last weekend but i'll have to finish that another time. if you want the preview, it's about me being pissed off at the competitive/bitch/1up mentality that a lot of women seem to have toward other women in our culture. it was becoming quite epic, as you might expect given the subject matter, and of course my computer shut off in the middle of writing it so it was abandoned. about this computer shutting off thing. have i mentioned this before? it's really shitting on my life. my particular model of laptop has some motherboard defect where the a/c connection becomes very loose over time. eventually (aka right now), the power cable no longer fits securely, the battery doesn't charge, and if the power cable slips out slightly - even if it's still inserted!! - the computer just shuts off. the cable slipping out can happen as a result of gravity, the computer being moved, someone ever so slightly nudging the cord so that prong slips out 1/4". that's all it needs, 1/8-1/4", and hours of your valuable work are gone. why not get a new power cable, tinea? because, of course, it's a MOTHERBOARD issue. of course it would be! meaning i either need to pay money to have it fixed (dell will not acknowledge that this is an issue despite the existence of hundreds upon hundreds of people posting messages on forums about it, actively closes topics pertaining to it on dell-branded messageboards, and will not cover it under warranty), or pay money to buy a new motherboard, dismantle my computer, and change it out. in conclusion, it's so goddamn annoying, and is why i barely ever get to post anything here anymore. i get so frustrated that something i've been working on for hours just poofs, so i'm like whatever, fuck you. clearly i need to start writing everything in notepad, but sometimes i'm like oh this is only going to take a few minutes! and then it doesn't, then it gets deleted. it's a vicious cycle. so, what i'm really writing about is us getting a kitten! it happened so suddenly and quickly that i had no chance to come here and talk about my feelings first. i was kind of ambivalent toward the whole thing leading up to this. i realize that i still have some issues surrounding losing boycat. it was very traumatizing to me. i still have a lot of really intense emotions surrounding it, and i also did have and still kind of do have this huge sense of guilt that i'm replacing him. intellectually, i know this isn't true, but my crazy brain is like, ahhh i knew it, you're a terrible person! emotionally is where it's the toughest. i need a therapist. i know. but we're in the store the other day, just passing through, and we saw this little boy on a whim and BOY is the one who fell in love. you remember, the guy who's not into cats? he was holding him and kissing him and was so ... DAD. it was adorable. and the kitten was so cute, so friendly, that i figured we should just take the plunge. we were approved the next MORNING, and picked him up and brought him home. he's in isolation from oldcat until they get used to the sound and scent of each other, but i wish i could just let him out all day. i can't get enough of him! my heart still aches so badly for boycat, but this little baby has so many of his characteristics, and he wants nothing but love. as much as i didn't feel ready to have him yet, i do feel ready to have a friend, to have love again. he brings so many smiles and laughs to our day, and little A especially has taken to him. i think i just need a little bit of time to adjust to the weirdness of him being here, but right now, i'm really happy. tired, because kittens are like toddlers, but happy. boy is off of work this week for no reason. oh, and he's awake now! time to go. |