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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
resolutions and the year to come.
2014-01-06 @ 8:40 a.m.
everything seemed to move so fast this year once thanksgiving rolled around that i didn't really sit down and make any formal resolutions for this new year, and then i felt like a jackass for not doing such an important thing. i don't think it's necessary to have like, a solid, concrete numbered list of resolutions, but i do think it's important to at least have a list of goals for self-development and growth. i looked back on my resolutions for 2013 and they were pretty weak, and i did honor them for the most part, but they were kind of vague so i don't think it was much of a challenge. this year, i'm going to be a little bit more concrete. 1. focus on advertising and publicizing the business. make more connections. 2. be more social! i'm turning into a real hermit. 3. start working out again, and make time for workouts regardless. stop feeling stalled and like a failure when a workout is missed. be more mindful of nutrition. (i feel like shit when i eat poorly!) 4. be more proactive regarding mental health this year. 5. put myself out there more. 6. create something, at least weekly. any kind of art. 7. love boy more. more dates, more snuggles, more kind words. he needs all of that stuff just as much as i do. 8. money. make more, save more. be wiser. be less impulsive. pay off debt. 9. pay attention. take more time. take more pictures. make the happy times everything and the bad times a memory, a learning experience. focus. focus! success and prosperity. that's what we're going for in 2014. so over christmas, on christmas morning in fact, boy facetimed his mom and saw her for the first time in 3 years. then the time came where everyone was getting their face in and we said hi and exchanged some quick pleasantries, and then we had to jump into the car and be on our way. we had christmas, great time, everything. then we're on the way home, alone together after dropping little A off at his mom's for the rest of the break. he says, your mom told me something that's going to make that thing i wanted to get you for christmas happen a lot sooner. and i'm like ... oh? and he says that also, it will make it a lot more meaningful, but he doesn't know how he's going to do it. so i'm like HMMMMM. then the other day he mentions something about something my mom said about me, and i'm like ... ???? now i'm really confused. but whatever. from here on out i will just surrender to surprise. i'm just so happy. the relationship has been great lately. and especially around this most recent period time. he hasn't been all crazy so i wasn't as upset and anxious as usual and i think it really showed this time because i did have a couple days of pretty intense cramps, but they weren't as bad as usual. the length of my period seemed a bit shorter too, like it actually ended on time instead of 2-3 days later as usual. things are really looking up! the thing that made me mention my period immediately after mentioning US was that usually - strike that, ALWAYS - boy seems to know when i have it and is extra horny that week. and then he's like all over me and i don't want to be touched and i feel like an asshole for being so dismissive because i WANT to do it, but it all hurts. and of course he starts getting an attitude and all huffy because he's "deprived." but whenever i give in and do it, i always regret it. i'll always have massive cramping afterwards, and many times during the day the next day, too. so this time i was like, no man. it never ends up well for me so you just need to wait it out. and so we did, and i had no more cramps on day 5 and by day 7 all bleeding was done, too. best period i've had in so long. and i know it was because i wasn't all freaked out. so as soon as i felt better on day 5, we were sitting on the couch together after dinner, and he's like, "so are you feeling well enough to get some of this DICK!?" and finally i got to say yes! and later we ran up there and had the best sex in ages. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh man. and especially after i had just relaxed my uterus for a week and didn't push things, i was so sensitive. such a good time. and then yesterday we were again, sitting here on the couch, waiting for a pot of rice and beans to cook a little bit before we started grilling dinner, and he looks over all lecherous and says "you wanna get in my lap real quick and grind your ass on my cock?" and again i'm like sure! and we had a delightful before dinner quickie. it's good. all good. oh, so back to boy's mom. i got off topic because there was awesome maybe ring stuff mixed in with christmas, hah. so as we were driving home on christmas night, after he said all of that stuff about how that thing might happen soon, he also said that his mom kept saying that i was so beautiful, and i look exactly the same as i did 14-15 years ago(!) when we saw each other last, and she's so happy that he's finally found a woman who will take care of him, who makes him happy. he said she was like, crying into the phone over this. it warms my heart. the union of our lives warms my heart so much, because i thought that i was just one of those people who would always be alone. with every other boyfriend, i always had this feeling of settling. but with boy, i'm so satisfied. so happy. so good. i also found $9 on the ground the other day (outside, no one was around) so i am taking all of this as a good, positive omen for the coming year. now i'm probably going to go get dressed, get some salad for lunch, and play a little bit of little big planet, which my awesome honey got me for christmas :) |