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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
tummies, vaginas, relationships.
2013-12-09 @ 12:37 p.m.
i wrote this like 2 or 3 days ago and never got to post it because of course my computer shut off. luckily i finally remembered to save it in notepad! funny story. go to VA for nearly a week, eat the weirdest foods ever in the weirdest combinations for days. include copious alcohol and marijuana. plus bonus stops at korean bakery and snack shops, of which we ate it all. then thanksgiving leftovers, then come home. home, go get pho and have an awesome day in with boy. monday, wake up, have normal 2x cups of coffee. at second cup, i was feeling a little nauseous, but shrugged it off because my period was due that day as well. i can set a clock by it. anyway, decide to go have some yogurt, as i always do after my second cup. (boy had no work the beginning of this week.) so we woke up, had sex, and then are sitting there, playing video games, so excited that he's off. "what are we going to do today?" i ask. "i don't know, but i'm glad i get to spend another day in your wonderful presence," he replies. aww. love. but ugh. tummy. brb? and there began 48 hours of epic sickness. monday and tuesday, i don't even know where they went. monday, i puked so much that i was just puking nothing after a while. puking and pooping, alternately, but sometimes at the same time just for fun. all day, all night. oh and also? while i'm laying on the bathroom floor in a heap, panting, i have cramps that are impressively painful (probably due to having absolutely no nutrients in my body at all from the constant puking), and what feels like a urinary tract infection brewing (puking so much and so violently i couldn't even keep water down, so eventually i just ... dried up, i guess?). so much puking, such chills, the cramps in everywhere, the burning urethra. i have not felt in such a bad way in a long, long time. the back pain alone was nearly unbearable. and poor boy is trying to figure out what to do, what he can give me, and there's nothing. just be with me, honey. and he was. but let me not dwell on the pain, although it was really quite something. when people say, "i went out of myself, i went to my happy place, i left my body for a while?" i began to understand that. when you're just breathing, the only thing you can focus on is breathing, just let me get through this. let me get through this breath. then this one. on monday, literally hours went by. i didn't sleep that night. i was just hunched over in my bed, or on the floor, unable to lay on my stomach or my back or in certain angles if i was on my side. completely awake, just zoned out. standing to go to the bathroom for the millionth time was somewhat relieving of some of it, but how can you stand for long when you're physically exhausted? it was really wow. i learn something new about my pain tolerance all the time. so yeah, i just lost nearly 3 days of my life. when i woke up on wednesday i actually had to ask boy what day it was. it was really horrible. i found out that night that my stomach could tolerate some food, but was still very dehydrated. i ate some chicken tenders for dinner (after 3 days of literally no food at all except 2 lightly buttered rolls, i was absolutely desperate for protein) and that was rough, but i didn't puke them up so i was feeling positive. the next morning when boy woke up for work, though, i beat his alarm by a half hour or so because what began as a pee trip ended in really bad stomach pain and 3 hours sitting up in bed waiting for it to pass. throughout the whole thing, it was bad enough trying to get over the nausea and constantly grumbly stomach, but the weakness and brain fog and dizziness and migraines were making our lives really crappy. i couldn't remember anything, couldn't do anything around the house (and since i am the only one who does, there were just piles of trash, dishes, clothes, and everything just building around the house. thanks guys.). boy's grandmother, who he's not even remotely close to, had invited us over for a little lunch or dinner or something for today (like a while ago) but she's out there in w. PA and with the drive and everything, i'm just not in the mood to spend one of my first few days of feeling closer to 100% (hopefully!! not trying to jump the gun here), sitting in a car, driving to spend a day with a woman who i met only once and it was at a super awkward time in everyone's life. so i'm pretty sure boy is going to go ahead and cancel that one for us. if he doesn't, then i'm just going to not go. i'm really feeling like that. i felt shitty enough all week that i'm okay with being impolite. my mom called to see if we got home from VA okay on monday and i texted her back wednesday that i was fucking tore up and that's why i didn't respond sooner. she called me back thursday to say that she got in some kind of ridiculous car accident on her way back from farawayland for work. it wasn't ridiculous like omg, it was ridiculous like, wtf? so i'm going to take her someplace next week to get her car back. she had to get a rental and drive it home from where her meeting was, nearly 3 hours away. so lame! but anyway, i'm telling her the story about my food poisoning generally as was laid out here, and before i even got to finish my sentence, she's like -- "but you got your period, right?" and i'm like, UH, YEAH!! don't you think i'd be WAY more upset than i am right now?? of course that's the first thing i thought. i wonder if my brother told her about all that shit going on with gf a couple weeks ago, if that's what prompted her to ask. and speaking of vaginas. i'm reading the IUD community today, and this girl is asking about whether it's normal after insertion for your cervix to be somewhat swollen for a few days. and in describing her situation, she says that her cervix is really low, like a fingertip's length away from her vaginal opening. and i'm like, what!? is that normal?? i kind of want to read into that (eta: quick google resulted in this, if interested). mine has never been less than 3.5-4" away. it's always hard to reach, even when boy tried that one time (did i ever write about that? what a hilarious half hour.), and even when it's at it's low point during the month. hm. ah, what else. no shrooms over thanksgiving, which was unfortunate. i hate it when people say they have something and they totally don't. i thought it was just the high school thing, you know how you'd get beat for weed when someone's brother's friend or cousin or whatever promised they'd get it for you. he's got it! you hear, then it's oh he's got to go get it, he doesn't just keep it around all the time (isn't that what "he's got it" means?), then it's no no, he has to get it from so and so who's down in south carolina but he's bringing it back with him, he's on his way, then it's oh he's still going to be in south carolina for a couple weeks. then it's, aha. you could have just told me your whole story was bullshit from the get-go and maybe we'd still be cool. but now, fuck off. so, maybe one day. oh. my goodness. also. boy won a tablet a couple weeks ago in a work thing so he retired his laptop immediately. i can't do that because i need a mouse, a large screen, and to type. so he got this cute little case for it because he has to have accessories, and he's all snuggled up on the couch next to me a couple days ago and i looked over at him to say something and he's like "WHOA! WHOA WHOA!" and gets all hidey with his screen. so out of the corner of my eye i get a little snatch of a ring-shaped object on his screen, and i'm like omg! i really hope that's what you're doing!! i mean, please. we've been through a lot together, we've been together 4 years and have known each other 3 times as long. we love each other and there's no possibility of anyone else to either of us. i'm his death beneficiary. it's serious. so put a ring on it already, damn. you know i just want one. i don't even care about weddings, they're just a formality. what i do care about is pink diamonds! (what? i'm a girl. sue me.) |