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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
quickie.
2019-11-13 @ 8:33 p.m.
like weeks ago i started this huge entry and it just turned into so many different, kind of heavy things and i was just never able to complete the thoughts, wrap it up. i kind of really didn't know where i was "going" with it but as more time passed, i realized that i was still unable to answer that question to myself. then, i got both sick and my period at the same time and felt like i was on death's door for 10 days. PM and i had talked and tried to make plans for dinner before the sickness, but we both had prior obligations so we said we'd talk about it after the busy weekend was over. then the sickness hit and i didn't feel better until like, mid last week. i worried because things kind of felt like they were cooling down with PM, because so much time had passed, and i'm admittedly a terrible communicator so i kind of worry that he took it personally that i was really uncommunicative. i still don't have any resolution to this concern, and i texted him the other night to see what he was doing and he never replied, but i've seen him twice in the meantime and he seemed fine. we couldn't really talk about it because his coworker was there (who dominates the conversation whenever i show up), but this coworker said that i make PM crazy when i come by (lol) so i don't know. i don't translate well over text so i would rather just ask him if he's still interested in going or if i'm too weird in general and he's not feeling it. either way, just let me know. i'm kind of glad that i had the sickness to give me some time to reflect on things, because i was able to come to the conclusion that if we go out again, i'm just going to be super honest with PM and tell him i'd love to date casually and hang out and shit but i'm not ready for anyone to call me their girlfriend anytime soon. and if he's not down for that or thinks i'm too annoying and complicated, it's really okay, because i really want to be single anyway. i just don't want it to be weird since i have to see him so much. i do, however, think he's really cute and hope i get to kiss him once. then whatever else is going to happen, can happen. other than that, not a lot going on here. i watched a lot of movies and have been doing some work on projects for christmas gifts. i wanted to say how much i love the 2018 remake of suspiria. one of my exes was a film geek and a huge argento fan so i remember being forced to watch the original (it was also being called the scariest film of all time so i was like okay, try me), and i thought it was ultimately beautiful looking but kind of lame. so i went into the 2018 version with extremely low hopes but it ended up being one of my favorite films i've seen lately. definitely, solidly, in my top horror movies. the first time i watched it, i remember it ending and i was just like ... whoa. then i went to work the next day and came home and watched it again immediately. it's so good if you like psychological horror. it's up there with my other favorites like the exorcist, rosemary's baby, invasion of the body snatchers (1978), the original amityville horror. the creeping dread, the feeling that something's just not right but you're not quite sure what, the unease. little things happening in the background that make you question what you just saw. but then thom yorke did the soundtrack and tilda swinton is in it, so you know you're about to get into something good. honestly, i want to watch it again right now. it's the first movie in a while that i immediately felt i needed to add to my bluray wishlist. so that's it for now, i'm still kind of awaiting further developments while also just keeping on top of things. i know it's super boring but i cleaned my whole apartment a few weeks ago, like top to bottom, and i've dedicated myself to keeping it topped up every day, and dutifully doing the deeper clean on sundays. it's really reduced the overall amount of time i spend on sunday cleaning, and it feels amazing to come home to a super clean place every day. less clutter in my environment, less clutter in my head. keep it up. ok love you bye! (also i just noticed that some of my keys aren't working again so sorry if i'm missing a bunch of letters up there but i just don't feel like proofreading tonight) |