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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
quick, random little memory before bed.
2019-11-30 @ 12:58 a.m.
as i was getting into the shower tonight, putting my hair up so it wouldn't get wet, i noticed how many grey hairs i have now, and it made me remember this. 16 or 17 years ago (wtf, i know) when i was about to graduate community college, i had a children's literature class with a professor i absolutely loved. she was a grade school teacher for years before she did grad and post grad studies in early childhood education and learning and all that good stuff. you could immediately tell from her teaching style that she had experience with little kids, and at first you kind of groaned at being an adult writing your name on a popsicle stick to go in the little shaky can, but she was so sweet and the class was so easy and fun that it was nice to embrace our inner children, and get excited when someone got their third gold star. the professor herself was also this sweet, kind of hippie grandma type, with this warm, make you sleepy kind of voice. true to her grade school teacher roots, she would often wear those smock style denim overall dresses with little cute things ironed or embroidered on, turtleneck underneath. silver hair in a perfect bob, accented with one of those 80s, early 90s braided headbands to match her outfit. i can still picture her perfectly. i took two classes with her and loved them both. my last semester, i was getting ready to graduate with my AA contingent upon passing all of my classes. i missed the final in her class because my family cat had just been put down due to cancer. he was my first cat and pretty much the only thing holding my shitty family together, so we were all just beyond devastated. i called this professor and asked if i could meet with her and that i'd had a death in the family. i went to the meeting with her and she said she was shocked that i'd missed her final because i was such a good student. i was really holding it together, just explaining that it was cancer. really sudden but really hard on me because we thought the first surgery had worked. then she asked who died. i am and have always been a terrible liar, so i blurted out "my cat!" and just started bawling. she was so kind, and put her little hand on my shoulder and told me she was sorry and could tell i loved him. she asked me some questions about him in her soft voice and gave me some tissues. that day, she was wearing one of those overall dresses that looked like a red patchwork quilt, and a black turtleneck, and weird glasses that matched her ensemble. after i had calmed down, we made a date for me to take the final. i was getting ready to leave and thanked her for being so understanding because some people don't "get" how much some people love their pets. i was afraid that she wouldn't get it and i might have screwed myself for another semester. she said it was no problem and we were about to part ways when she asked, "can i ask you something?" and i said sure, and she asked, "what do you think about grey hair?" and did like a little fashion model-y kind of pose, framing her face and hair with her hands. i was caught so off guard, and i laughed and said that i thought it was pretty cool, actually. and she asked, "when you start to go gray, do you think you're going to dye it?" and since i was only like 20 or something at the time, i had never really even thought about it until she asked. but i answered, "i think i'd keep it. it's something to be proud of, that i made it that far." right before i left she asked, "should i dye mine? just to try it?" and i remember smiling at her and saying "keep it!" on my way out the door. tonight, while i combed my hair out and saw so, so many silver strands, for a brief moment i wondered if i should dye it. this is about the age my mom started going grey too, i remembered. this is when i remember her starting to dye her hair. but then this sweet little memory came to me, and i hope you're still out there somewhere, dr. i am proud that i made it this far, and i'm going to keep it. |