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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
so tired.
2020-03-14 @ 11:06 p.m.
so, like everyone else, i'm a little concerned about the virus but there's not much i can do other than what i'm doing. luckily for me i'm super antisocial and a hermit to boot so avoiding going out in public is a-ok for me. plus, animal crossing is out on friday so please, feel free to quarantine me. i have the easiest job to do from home so it's all good, man. i was a little concerned about the virus mostly because i have asthma and not the best immune system, but you might find this crazy - my asthma has improved SO much since i started smoking weed daily (i "microdose" multiple times a day instead of coming home and smoking giant bowls until i pass out like i used to). i found a strain that works well for my pain, and an odd side effect is that i hardly ever have any wheezing events anymore. when best friend and i were struggling against some serious freezing winds coming off of the ocean a few weeks ago, i was sure i was going to need my inhaler, but once i got inside and calmed down, i didn't have any issues at all. honestly, i was shocked. but i also feel like i'm doing alright, so i'm just going to keep taking my vitamins and hope for the best. today i am writing because i am just so fucking annoyed. i mentioned before (did i? did i post that one?) that boss found a tenant for the new place so i had to move all of my stuff out into a storage unit. the lease begins april 1, but for some fucking stupid, short-sighted, typical boss reason, he told them they could move in THIS monday. when did he inform me of this? fucking two days ago. i was like are you fucking serious!? i had a large amount of large, heavy furniture from my house in there. wanted to put some of it on mktplce to sell. wanted to look through it and get rid of stuff i didn't need. nope, let's wait until the last fucking minute!! perfect. so the guy who was supposed to come to help me move my heavy stuff just didn't show up, phone disconnected, you know, whatever. cool. so i start freaking out so boss is like take AL with you i guess, in this dilapidated pickup truck we had sitting around. every time we stopped and turned it off, we had to jump it to start it again. cool, cool. just me and AL moving ALL of my shit. everyone else is at work today, by the way. but everyone has some fucking bullshit wrong with them that prevents them from being able to help. i have a hernia. my back hurts. just ... don't feel like it. i thought i was going to punch ER in the face this afternoon. i come back to the old place and CM is like why the fuck are you so dirty? (CM comes in and out, works part time when we need an extra body there) and i'm like yeah, "dude didn't show up at all today and no one here can do anything, so it's just me and boss and AL to move everything." and ER fucking interjects that no, no, that's not true, there's plenty of people who could help. and i started listing off all of the reasons everyone had told me earlier, and added in that ER couldn't help because apparently boss needed him to keep the old place open since none of us (the important people who can do all of the jobs) were there. and AGAIN ER starts to interject that "NO, [boss] said that he had movers coming to move the stuff." and i was like DUDE. get the fuck out of my face. i am telling you RIGHT NOW, as a person who is physically DOING THE MOVING, there are NO FUCKING MOVERS COMING. it is US. so he continues to tell me i'm wrong, and what boss said. and i was like why the fuck are you arguing with me about something that is happening right now! and furthermore, if you are going to argue with me that you are willing and capable of doing the moving, why the fuck don't you get in your fucking car and HELP!?? what the FUCK, dude!? my anger level just kept increasing and increasing throughout the course of the day, because absolutely no one offered to help at all. after AL went three trips with me with my heavy stuff, i moved every single last box 100% on my own. boss's son came by to get money to get something to eat. DR came but just sat on his phone as i made trip after trip right past him. didn't even offer to get the door. it was unbelievable. after 8 straight hours of filling my car, driving to the place, coming back, repeat, at 9:30 i called boss and said i was tapping out. i just couldn't do one more minute. i don't know if you have done like, an extended period of physical exertion recently, but your body gets to a point of exhaustion when you're just walking and suddenly, a weakness falls over your whole being like a heavy blanket. i was moving something so light into the storage unit but my arm suddenly couldn't bear it, and i almost dropped it. as i was walking the hand truck back to the entrance, my legs started feeling shaky, and i worried i wouldn't be able to press the gas pedal hard enough. i drove back to the new place to double check the locks and make a mental inventory of the few odds and ends i had left, and i couldn't. my brain was too tired. i called boss to let him know i was mostly done but needed to borrow his truck tomorrow. he was like you know what really pissed me off today? i asked several people if they'd be able to help tomorrow and they were just like, "nah." the two dudes from around the corner that ER assumed were the "movers" are notoriously unreliable and probably won't show up at all tomorrow. i could overhear boss's conversation with the main guy and i already know we're going to have a fucked up day. if boss doesn't get all of this stuff out tomorrow, he's going to have a really awkward time. yeah, so, sorry, just had to get that off my chest. everyone knows ER is a fucking moron who has no fucking idea what he's talking about, but politics is one thing. arguing with a person about fucking reality is another. and also the "nah" answer, which was from RW by the way, who boss employs out of the kindness of his heart. i didn't want to work tomorrow either, but i know boss needs me and he's done a lot of favors for me so i owe it to him. the same goes for BOTH RW and ER. i'm glad boss was offended because he isn't offended often enough by people being crappy. maybe, in the end, this is an overall rant on how it's hard to find people you can really rely on. i guess i'm starting to sound like an old person but flake culture is fucking real. people just don't fucking show up for things, show up late, don't really feel obligated to return favors. it really sucks when you're an old-fashioned person who remembers what it was like when you made plans with someone, like set a date and time, and then didn't need to discuss it again until you both showed up at that date and time. but now we're in the darkest timeline and all you can do is be sure that the only person who will always be there for you is you. alright well, time to go to sleep because my body needs to prepare for another grueling day. tomorrow i will reward myself with epic chinese food (that was the plan for tonight but i finished too late T_T), then eagerly await the 20th. it's so close! !! !!! and, just so i don't end on a shitty negative note, this cat is ridiculous. every night i come home and we have to spend a minimum of 30 minutes snuggling. he purrs like it is the best thing ever, every time. i wake up and he's at the end of the bed, sleeping in the same spot mr. chubby used to sleep every night. his secret power is detecting any dairy i might be preparing to consume from long distances. such a cool little dude, and so handsome too. i am really enjoying our friendship. okay that's it, i'm so fucking tired. bye. |