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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
i wish i could stop feeling so shitty.
2013-02-01 @ 8:40 p.m.
so super high. boy has to work tomorrow so i'll just be here alone. sad. i was excited to be able to hang out with him, but again, work surprised him. oh well. feeling pretty miserable today. the past couple days i guess. a lot of things weighing heavily on my mind. a lot of stress. i don't know if it's stress or because i slept weird, but i have that thing where i can't turn my head to one side, or back. super tight muscle. so i've been like feeling so blah all day, and have the extra bonus of this incredibly painful neck that i feel every time i MOVE. i need one of those wrap around the neck heating pads. ugh. i have nothing to say. i've been thinking a lot. just like really letting myself get bothered about things i read on the internet. there's this blogger that i love, like i think she's so great. but the one thing!! is that she has this really condescending, know it all stance on this one particular issue that she's completely wrong about. like, it's not my opinion that she's wrong, she's wrong. like according to research. and she's really devoted to this cause, which i totally respect, because as a minority i especially understand the issues that she's going on about. but a fundamental part of her argument is wrong, and she is so adamant about it, and it's just like, UGH. this makes you SO OBNOXIOUS to me. like her position is basically, "if you would take part in or support this one thing, then you inherently feel this way." but the two things have nothing to do with each other. and who the hell are you to tell me how i feel about this?? i hate it so much when people presume things and put words in your mouth. she's this huge advocate of tolerance and all that, but anyone who disagrees with her is wrong, has no idea what they're talking about, and are totally bigots even though they don't realize it. like really man? it's borderline offensive anymore and i really kind of want to unfollow her, but she's so awesome other than that huge thing. i need to wait it out a minute and see how things go in the next month or so. some thing she did blew up on tumblr so she's writing a lot of reaction posts lately, but maybe she'll ease up on it and write about some other shit that doesn't make her sound like a total jackass to anyone who's smart. i had to go to the gyno the other day so i could at least get some pain medication before this period comes (i did! hope i'm not allergic to this too!) and i stopped by to see my granny. i was telling her about the visit, and i said, "so you know, hopefully we'll figure out why i'm in such mindblowing pain each month." she said well what's the worst that could be the matter? and i said, i don't know, like severe endometriosis or maybe my IUD poked a hole through my uterus. and she says, oh well what would they do if any of that happened? and i said, "at worst, a hysterectomy, i guess?" and she says, "well you'd love that. you definitely wouldn't be having any babies then!" omg granny. my 90 year old grandmother totally gets me. love her. boy passed out an hour ago on the couch next to me. i'm so sad about this because i REALLY wanted to have sex tonight. my period is coming like, tomorrow. shit's fucked up man. i've been eating great this week though so let's see how much of a difference it makes. i can tell you right now the bloating is ... non-existent. usually i'd be a balloon today. actually, i feel great, except for the neck and back pain (the back started last night). so one thing is great. one thing is good. a few things are good. actually, a lot of things are great. it's just so hard to see beyond these dark clouds sometimes. i think i'm just going to go to bed early tonight. oh, hotel transylvania was adorable. |