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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
no fucking way i got time for that.
2013-05-20 @ 4:22 p.m.
we had this huge annoying day on saturday that i wish i could write about, but i can't, because i'm really mad right now and that will just put me over the edge. the point being, boy was being a tremendous douche and acknowledged that he was being extremely childish. instead of just letting it go, though, he decided to keep on going with it despite seeing how incredibly mad i already was. that took my anger to a new stratosphere. it was one of those times where he did/said what he said, and immediately was like, i was joking! but even if he was joking, it was absolutely not the time, and the fact that he didn't realize that made me even MORE angry. we had an okay yesterday and i was willing to let bygones be, but he started again today with the fucking bullshit. one of my biggest pet peeves ever is when someone is not listening to me when i am speaking to them. like, you know, you're having a conversation with someone, then you say something and they're looking at their phone and completely ignore you. that's been happening a LOT lately, with a lot of various media. he's always saying he wants to hang out, he wants me around, but then when i'm around he'll completely zone out in front of the tv and i have to ask him the same question like 5 times, or i say a lot of stuff and then like 5 minutes (literally) will pass and he's like ... what? nuh uh, man. i'm really not having that shit. i am very interesting and awesome and if you don't want to listen to me talk, i'll find someone else who will. i'm not saying this is break up time, because i love this person with all my heart. but this person is making me feel a lot like i'm being taken for granted, like i'm not a priority. and i said, i know you've got a lot going on (he doesn't, really, i was being a sarcastic douche), but it would be nice to at least receive acknowledgement of statements that i make. "ok" is fine. last night i was really mad, because like, we never get to have sex. he falls asleep on the couch at least 4 nights out of 7, so when we finally get a chance to do it, i'm super excited. so last night we're supposed to do it, so he's like, "tell me before you're really tired so we can go upstairs." (when i get really tired, i fall asleep very rapidly, and usually he wants to just lay around and smoke a while before we do anything. so when i'm already cooked, and then we smoke? i'm unconscious in minutes.) so last night i tell him i'm really tired at around 10:30, can we go upstairs. and he's like, nah, i want to sit down here longer. i was like ... okay ...? i'm pretty sleepy though? so we sat downstairs for another half hour. we go upstairs at 11, and i'm REALLY really tired. he's just laying there looking at his phone, and i'm like, um, i'm having a hard time staying awake. and he just says, oh, well you'd better stay awake. so i'm like, okay ...? i cuddle up to him and rub his legs and stuff, and stroke his dick a little, and he's just looking at ebay, watching tv. so i continue on for about 15 minutes and he in no way acknowledges anything that's going on. i even said, "i'm going to fall asleep. i can't keep my eyes open." he doesn't touch me back, no, "hey, thanks for rubbing my legs," or even, "nah, turns out i'm not in the mood to do it." no response whatsoever, so i just went to sleep. that shit is super rude, and i'm really not going to stand for it. i don't have unrealistic expectations. he just went out with little A somewhere, presumably to get away from me for a little while. he never knows what to do with me when i'm really mad, and the answer is, just fucking listen to me. before he walked out the door, he said, are you okay? and i said, i don't know, am i? are you going to be a nice guy? did you listen to anything i said? and he said, i thought i was, and i just told him that we'll see. i was going to say, "i'm sorry, but i'm going to be one of those people who makes him sleep on the couch if he doesn't get a handle on that attitude." but i don't mean the "i'm sorry" part. i'm not sorry at all for demanding to be treated with respect. ETA: cool, he definitely fell asleep at 8:30pm too. thanks a lot. |