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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
the weekend.
2013-05-27 @ 11:16 a.m.
we started out saturday with a fight, the all too familiar one where he doesn't know what he wants to do, puts all of the responsibility for it on me, and then gets frustrated when i can't read his mind and pick exactly the thing he wanted to do. i got really mad and told him that he does this to me all the time, and it's not fair that i am always the only one doing this. he started laughing when i started getting mad, and i told him it really pisses me off when i'm trying to be serious and tell him serious things that are bothering me and he makes a fucking joke out of it. he said he was sorry, but i knew he really wasn't, so i just went to take a shower while he was in the middle of talking to me. THIS is what i have been talking about! so we got dressed and got on our way and i was being meanface because that shit really pisses me off! so he's being all super nice and eventually says, "so are you just like in some horrible mood today?" and i said no, i was in a great mood actually until you started being a dick. i really don't appreciate being laughed at when i'm trying to fucking talk to you about my feelings. it's hard enough to tell you this little bit about what's going on. i always keep everything to myself. and the fact that you would act like that when i am trying to do something that's hard for me really offends me and makes me feel stupid. and he's like, obviously i don't mean to make you feel like that, i guess i'm just trying to lighten and divert the situation. and i said here's a fucking protip for dealing with [tinea]: don't do that. because it makes me at least 20 times more angry. after that, he apologized genuinely and we continued on our way. we went to this huge flea market in a little town that was like, a tiny texas dropped in the middle of nowhere in nj. it was so weird, the weirdest melange of things being sold amongst each other, but none of it stuff that you'd really want. we got these totally fucking awesome tacos at a food truck, and the owners said that they vend at this other flea market closer to where we grew up that both boy and i have been going to since we were kids. weird that we'd never seen them! the tacos were so fresh and fantastic and even cooler that it was a couple making everything homemade. we will definitely eat there again. we had anticipated better shopping at the flea market and thus a longer stay, but it didn't work out like that and we found ourselves with nothing else to do in a totally dead area early in the afternoon. and even lamer, it was freezing! they had forecast 70 but it was only like 59 and super windy. boy wanted to go on a hike but i said i'd really need a coat for that, so we returned home to get it. when we tried to decide which park to go to, boy kept freaking out that he was hungry, so he said he was going to get this spicy kani salad he loves to hold him over til dinner. somehow that turned into going to this other restaurant that he loves for thai iced teas, too, and oh while we're there also let's grab some vietnamese egg rolls, and summer rolls. i was like what the hell? if i had known you were getting all these snacks i'd get some too and we'll have dinner for later. so he said, why not? ordered me some, too, and we stopped at one more on the way home for some wonton soup. he said that he was just overcome with the desire for something from each of his favorite places since we weren't really doing anything. we snuggled up on the couch and watched looper and cloud atlas, both of which we really enjoyed but took issue with in multiple areas. i enjoy that he is smart because we can discuss and analyze movies together. i just love that we always have something to talk about. and when we don't, it's okay. for some reason, halfway through looper my allergies went totally crazy. i felt miserable! i destroyed a whole box of tissues by the end of both films, and had taken so much benadryl that i didn't even know what was going on in the world. i took a flu drink and said i wanted to go to bed. boy said he wanted his dick sucked, and i said i didn't think that was going to happen given the current state of my sinuses. things changed when we got up there, and when i rolled over to re-pack the pipe, i feel fingers poking around my ass, and between my legs, and i took the opportunity to slide my underwear down, and sat back and let him touch me while i was smoking. then i did give in and give him a tiny blowjob after a while, but i was so sniffly that he said, "aww!" and tossed me back into the pillows. i love it when he holds me down and has his way with me. it was so fantastic that little A wasn't here, finally, because he fucked me hard and long and i didn't have to try to keep myself quiet. i let myself go. i felt like a panther in heat, like we were pure animals. it was ridiculous, and i'm like, oh my goodness, i'm crying orgasm tears, but i'm also now bent over, holding onto the headboard for dear life as he's fucking me wildly and nearly growling as he cums, collapsing against my back. i just fell down and sprawled across the bed and laughed, out of breath, and he says simply, "awesome." i slept like a baby until my sinus medication wore off early in the morning, so i had to get up. he came down hours later, all disheveled and adorable, and said, "we will figure out what to do today when i come back [from smoking]." we decided on heading to this little village we like to get some good coffee, then to our favorite hot dog place by the beach, and we'd take rambling back roads to get there. it was achingly beautiful. it was one of those days that seems like it's not real. i had to take a ton of benadryl again, and since we were smoking on the trip, i felt like i wasn't even in my head. it was so nice, and so quiet, and so relaxed. he had the sun roof open (which he always forgets he has), and the sun was shining in on us, and every smell of spring was floating in and out of the car. we saw so many houses we'd love to live in, if we ever won the lottery. old, overgrown farm houses covered in faded, peeling paint, with huge tree-enclosed backyards and several acres of land. a driveway that seems to lead to nowhere. i'm glad that we both want the same thing - a simple life. later, a stop at the ice cream stand, a rushed late-night run to mcdonald's, and plenty of video games. a nice, warm snuggle in bed, no sex, because i couldn't even keep my eyes open. i told him this morning that i woke up this morning and didn't even remember going to bed, i was so cooked from all of those allergy pills. he's still laid off, so i'll molest him during the day when little A is at school. that is all. a couple of times i felt like i should write about boycat, but i want to keep this in as good a mood as i can. i just miss him so much. you know how that is. we saw a cute little dude at petsmart last week, but i don't have "the feeling" about him. i don't know if it's because he's not the one, or because my heart still aches so much, or maybe both. i'm going to go drink way more water and get ready for bed. we got in a tight spot tonight and had to have fast food again and it was so salty my fingers are like sausages. bleh. REALLY need to start working out again. okay. goodnight. |