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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
i will not take these things for granted. i won't.
2013-06-26 @ 9:23 p.m.
i don't even know what's been going on well enough to type any kind of coherent thing. it's all disappeared in a haze of smoke, sex, and incredible food. boy was fretting away about something a couple weeks or so ago, and i said, "hey. enjoy this. we're living like we're in high school!" and he was like ... you know what? you're right. i never thought of it that way. and ever since, we've just been letting each day take its course. some days we go on long road trips, some days we sleep super late and play video games until it's nighttime. little A has been with his mom, and will be until the weekend? i don't even know. so we stay up late, super late, fuck for hours, and wake up ... whenever the next day. the sex part has been really great, especially. i've been super horny, all the time. (i've mentioned this numerous times, is it hormones?) i told him around the time i made the teenagers remark and ever since it's been kind of unspoken that time must be made to have sex before bed. one night, i was half asleep, and he was like, aww. you're so tired! i'll let you go to sleep. and i said, no. just use my body. so i just lay there, completely limp, and he moved and arranged my arms and legs and i just let him do it. it was fun. last night, i don't know what it was, but we were making out, and he had me cradled in his arms, and we were just smiling at each other, so i sighed and rested my head on his chest and he's stroking my hair, and kisses the top of my head. it was so sweet. there have been a lot of moments lately where i have wondered (90% rhetorically, 10% not) if this is the person i want to spend my life with. but a moment like that, and these blissful days together of no responsibility, no noise, no one else unless we want them, in our insular little world ... in his arms in bed, and when we're driving and he looks over at me with that smirk. then i know that i couldn't be with anyone else. i could, but i don't want to. does any of this even make sense? today, after waking up at noon. first, we went out for tapas last night (all you can eat!) and finally fell asleep sometime after 3:30 am. he patiently waited for me to feel less full, before he demanded that i disrobe, then tried to keep it together as i begged him to cum inside me in this ridiculous high little girly voice i do that he can't even handle. at first he was confident, and said, "no, i'm not ready yet," all teasing, but the more i begged and the dirtier i talked, i knew i had won. when he came, his cock turned to granite. i laughed at him after he collapsed next to me, and we both completely passed out. i woke up at around 6 am or something to go to the bathroom, and he was still sitting up, remote in hand, exactly in the position he had passed out in. it was hilarious. we intended to go to the beach, but once we'd fooled around and showered and finally gotten ready to go, it was 5 pm and we didn't want to miss masterchef. tomorrow we're going to go early, walk the boardwalk, eat some funnel cakes, and hold hands. hopefully this weird storm thing hovering over the east coast will move along. i think also, during the week next week we'll go to the city (NY) just for some food and fun. just a graze day. he's never really been and i haven't been since last year this time. i hate the subway but it's really not that bad, and definitely not bad enough to keep me from going. sometimes i see people saying that they don't drive, that they're afraid to, or they don't do this or that because it's too scary. and i'm like, just getting off the phone with my dad, who tells me, "don't let your life pass you by like mine did." so, i won't. i'm always so sad, wishing for more. it's not that i want too much. i'm never asking for the moon. i just want a little more time. i never feel like i have enough of it. so, these couple weeks? this month that we have together? i'll try to make it feel like a hundred years. |