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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
wish we could run away together sometimes.
2014-03-26 @ 10:23 p.m.
i keep trying to write about a lot of random things but i'm never able to say what i want to say. some of it is really negative shit that i start writing about and i'm like ugh! all i'm doing is dwelling on this! so i stop and then feel silly about posting only a sentence. the one thing that i have wanted to say every day, that is worth writing about whether it is a sentence or a novel is just boy. oh, boy. i couldn't possibly love anyone any more. he told me today, stuttering, unable to articulate, that he can't even explain how much he loves me, and how much i mean to him. he said i was his north star, his rock. everything he does is for me. sometimes he says things like this that make me wish i had them on tape, so i could just listen to them on repeat, until the end of time. when i'm feeling insecure, or things are hard, or i can't see the reason for it all. sometimes i wish i could just turn that on. but i know, like a drug, it would never be as beautiful as it was that first time, so earnest, hitting my ear like poetry. so i'll remember it here, and how i couldn't stop smiling all day. i haven't been able to get him into bed before 11:15 all week (he passes out on the couch between 9:15-9:45, resisting all attempts to be roused), and it's been one of those periods where i have cramps early, all day, and then at night i feel awesome. i want the dick! please stop falling asleep on me, omg. sigh. i want to win the lottery so we can relocate to some rural place and be hippies together (not even that much money, a small sum, but if we happened to win some kind of large jackpot we discussed how 2/3 of it would be given away to people who need it because who REALLY needs $150 million dollars? i mean, really.), i want to marry this guy, and i just want to be happy. i'm so ready for the happy part. there's so much, so much more i want to say, but it never comes out right. let me end on this. on love talk. |