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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
in a pickle.
2016-07-19 @ 9:25 p.m.
i don't know if i mentioned it here before or if i was just talking about it in therapy, but one of the things i absolutely love about my job is the lack of responsibility. like, i'm responsible for things, a lot of them actually. but the weight of those things, i guess, is a lot less than at any other job i've had. i would have to really go nuts and drop the ball to fuck anything up to a significant degree. aside from accidentally setting fire to the office, the most damage i could really do is to cost us $65 if i mess up filling out a particular document. so i was riding this wave of being free, literally just talking about this at length last week. then yesterday boss starts telling me all of this shit. the accountant had been in earlier (i've always been surprised that boss has never made me leave the room when there are sensitive conversations going on), and he's like yo man, you've lost a LOT of money this year. like a significant amount. you should fire someone. so boss is like yeah yeah, you know i can't do that, and accountant was like no really i know i always suggest this but i'm not joking this time. so later after accountant's gone, boss is like, "listen. you're the only one here who is helping me out in any way. pretty much everyone else is either useless and can't do his job, or is fucking me and won't do his job. (long story, this one dude treats the place like it's his, tells customers not to come in unless he's working so he can hook them up, etc.) i could fire any of these people and it wouldn't even matter. you're the only one i couldn't replace." i'm like cool thanks, glad i'm doing a great job. and he's like, now this is all between us. this is stuff i don't talk to anyone about. like, not even my dad (who also works with us). not even my family. and i'm like, oh shit. then he starts telling me about how he really NEEDS to fire my work bff (ER, from here on out) but doesn't want to because ER is marginally useful, but more importantly because ER is a really good guy who is in a precarious financial situation. boss knows that if he did fire ER, he would be completely fucking his life. so he's like, you gotta help me justify ER's job. wtf! this sucks for two reasons: obviously i love ER and i don't want to see him fired, but also because ER and i are REALLY tight. he and i have a lot of work-related "this is just between you and me" conversations. i really want to give him a heads up about this! he's been here for a long time, way longer than i have. but more importantly, his whole life depends on this job. if boss does end up having to fire him, he'll only have like a month's notice, if that. a month, maybe two? ago, ER asked me if i could help him write up a resume because he was miserable and felt underutilized and doesn't like how boss treats him sometimes. (he's also having this middle-aged guy existential crisis, but that's for another day.) i keep asking him if he wants to work on it, but he's just like yeah yeah and says we'll do it another day. i think i'm really going to pressure him to start working on it. he bitches all the time that he doesn't care if boss fires him or not, and that he'll be happy if he does, but now that i'm behind the scenes i want to say dude!! i don't think you will be! man, shit went 0-60 real quick. but i'm not like, dying of anxiety over it, which is nice for once. on a lighter note, boy texted me and i was like call me back ASAP, it's IMPORTANT!! i had been on the phone with my brother and missed the text so i called him back and was like what's going on? and he's like "i'm glad i got ahold of you. i need to tell you something really, really important." and i'm like ?? and he says, "i just wanted to tell you i love you. i miss you so much. you make me so happy. you're absolutely beautiful and i want you to keep doing what you're doing because you're great and i'm sorry i don't tell you enough." ♥♥♥ my heart melted, for real. i couldn't stop smiling. i love this guy so much. i can't even tell you. |