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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
bright sides.
2017-09-01 @ 8:47 p.m.
did i mention boss found me an apt? i probably didn't because i've been skimming over so many details (i keep starting entries at work but getting too busy to finish, then i come back later or the next day and forget where i was going). so like yeah, upon hearing how badly boy fucked me, he swoops in like a fucking superhero (and a little bit of amazing luck, let's be honest) and had the excellent timing to encourage these shitty tenants to leave, thus having the place free for me. the second awesome part of this (well not so awesome for boss) is that the tenants fucking DESTROYED the place. it is majorly fucked up. like broken windows, holes in the floor (?) fucked up. so boss is like well i have to redo the place anyway, so tell me how you want it and i'll do it. i was like oh fuck yeah. "gotta make it extra nice for my girl." oh, boss. i went over to the place to measure today and god, it's so fucking small. i hate boy so fucking much for this. i have to sell, store, or trash like so fucking much stuff. so much of my furniture, my clothes. my beloved huge kitchen that i designed. i know tyler durden would say, you're not your possessions man! but it's not the items themselves ... it's the hard work and time i put in to earn the money to buy these things. and like THAT is what i am still having such a hard time swallowing. how much time and effort and progress and physical stuff i have lost because of him, and how he has lost absolutely nothing. how he has literally not suffered one bit because of this and is just getting away scott free after fucking DEVESTATING me. it's so fucking hard to wrap my head around that. it keeps me up at night. anyway. so i get to the bedroom and measure this awkward wall and want to cry because it's like 6 inches too narrow to fit my bed in the room. my bed was the first and most important purchase. i always wanted this exact one. and i'm just like REALLY?? you're taking this from me too, you piece of shit!? so i go back to the office and give boss back the keys and say, my bed won't fit. the wall with the closet is too narrow. you'd have to move the wall. and this guy is seriously like, i will make the closet smaller if you want me to. how many inches to do you need? we will check to see if there's anything important in the wall and if not i'll move it for you. it is a strange feeling for me. i haven't known a lot of people who are generous and kind with no ulterior motives. i'm not always on edge with boss, waiting for the true cost. he just does because he likes to do. so some good has come of all of this. this place is smaller and more affordable, no more gas and tolls getting to work, the availability was perfect timing, i will be able to make this place my own, i'm essentially my own landlord, fixed rent for as long as i want to stay there, close to everything, still close to best friend (15 mins away instead of like 7), closer to brother. i'm trying. things could really be way worse. i am thankful. tomorrow will be better. |