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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
is it you?
2019-03-01 @ 1:11 a.m.
it's really late and i really need to take a shower and go to bed but i logged into flikr to make sure i had backed up all of my photos and checked my messages and saw a message from a few years ago from someone whose first name was familiar. but they had no last name and no info listed about themselves except for 5 photos which meant nothing to me either. when personal sites were all the rage around 99-01 i had made a lot of online friends, some of whom i am still friends with to this day. one of them i don't remember how i met, but we would periodically email back and forth these really intense, indepth emails summarizing our lives and the status of our souls, essentially. like i really wish i could remember how i met this person, but i just can't. and even after our websites went defunct and everyone moved on to LJ and then, even worse, FB, we would shoot a message out into the ether and months later receive a reply from our nameless, faceless partner. but then we each went through different emails, and different things would happen and we just lose touch sometimes, but we usually found it again. but each time it became harder and harder to find each other again because we never knew anything about the other to begin with. and so when i went into flikr and saw this message and this person said, "it's me, send me a text on this number," i felt my heart skip a beat, because the first name was the same, and the area code was from a similar area, but honestly it has been so long and we've both moved and changed so much, who knows? the pictures mean nothing to me because i never knew what this person looked like to begin with. i just had this name in a flikr message, this somewhat unusually spelled name, the same spelling i had known 20 years ago. i want to text it but it could just be some scammer/spammer sending messages out in hopes of reeling in some gullible fool. i don't want to give my number to the wrong person. but i want it to be this person, the right person. i hadn't thought of them in so long. between us, it was so different than it is here. this is my diary, yes, but i know that other people read it and i know that there always exists the possibility that someone i know will read it. with this person, there was just this incredible intimacy i've never felt before, with a complete stranger, a person who knew nothing about me except what i chose to share, my deepest darkest secrets, and they knew mine, and no one else in the world knew that we knew each other, except you now, who may be reading this. i hadn't thought of them in so long. is it really them? is it you, R? you really remember me, after all this time? if it isn't you, i hope you're okay out there, wherever you are. |