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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
the SOUP, the weather, battle royale.
2019-03-15 @ 8:34 p.m.
i was sitting there, debating whether i was going to write about this because it was so identifying. i was like, anyone i know who reads this would immediately know it was me because i talked about this so much yesterday and today (it's not as exciting as you're anticipating, trust me). but then i realized, anyone who knows me in real life already knows 90% of this shit. i'm one of those annoying people who tells everyone exactly what i think about someone. i'm not one of those rude, "i tell it like it is!" kind of tactless assholes, i mean i'm just very upfront and honest about my feelings. a lot of my desire for anonymity began back when i was "internet famous," because i didn't want that to be connected to this. then i was teaching, and of course i didn't want the kids to find me (a few of them had found my old ass myspc and passed it around), then i became internet famous again when i was running my adult tmblr under an alias and i didn't want to get doxxed. but after i got deactivated, i never was able to get back into it like i was for that golden year. when i was with boy, i didn't want him to know how i really felt about some things, but most of all, i didn't want my friends and family to discover how badly he treated me. i was so embarrassed and ashamed. (i still am, but i'm working on it.) now, it's kind of like meh. my inner circle is so small and everyone knows everything about me and i generally try to avoid to do questionable shit. so i guess my efforts are kind of overkill, but they make me feel better and are by now habit so i guess nothing is going to change. anyway, the other night i went shopping and bought SO much stuff. like 2 weeks full of food. i've had this cooking bug up my ass, and got this recipe for a beef and barley soup from one of my daily emails, and i just HAD to make it. so i bought all the stuff, put it in the fridge, cleaned up, did all the dishes so the next night i could make the soup. the night before last i brought the recipe home from work, where it had been sitting, waiting for me to cook it. chopped all of the vegetables perfectly. read that i didn't have enough mushrooms and didn't want to half ass it, so i went back to the store to get more. remembered to take the meat out of the fridge to let it come to room temp. soaked my mushrooms in broth. even remembered that in the freezer, i had some prime rib slices, ribs, and bones left over from christmas (that my aunt INSISTED i take with me even though i told her repeatedly, then i resented them everytime i looked at the huge container taking up space in my freezer), so i boiled them down in a big pot to use in place of the water in my bouillon mixture. i went all the way for this recipe, man. this was going to be primo fucking soup. i take down my cast iron dutch oven from the top of the fridge and open it to find ...... at the last holiday i brought it to, someone who was only trying to help, and i appreciate it, used soap to clean it, then put the lid on it while it was still damp. it's not something i use often, and i thought it was clean, so i just put it up and away, and there it sat for probably almost a year. i think the last time i used it was last easter. so when i opened it, this thing was cracked and peeling, covered in rust, covered in mold. i mean it was fucking ruined. (i just googled "ruined cast iron" but can't even find a picture that looks as bad as mine did.) i wanted to fucking cry! i was like seconds from starting. i thought for just a moment about just using my other stock pot but it's not cast iron, it won't be the same. and after all this work, after making PRIME RIB beef stock, there's no way i was going to sell this recipe short. so i put on my fucking gloves, got out my scrub sponges and brush and salt and soap and begrudgingly set to cleaning and re-seasoning this pot. it took me about 45 minutes to clean it, then i had to put it in the oven to re-season for an hour, and let it cool down in the oven. the kitchen is fucking 100 degrees because this oven is blasting for so long at such a high temp, i thought to myself, oh well let me cook the other recipe i bought stuff for but then i realized, fuck! i need the oven! it was just such a disappointing, unproductive night. when i woke up yesterday morning i opened the oven to see how it turned out and i'll pat myself on the back and say i did a great job. she looked beautiful. so last night after work, i ran home, changed my clothes, smoked some weed and immediately set to my work. it was awesome to have literally everything pre-measured and ready to go, so while i made the soup i made the other recipe in the oven. from 8:30 to just after midnight i stood at the counter, sweating next to the stove, but let me tell you something - i made one of the best fucking soups i've ever made, and i have a pretty diverse list of them under my belt. i'm putting it into my top 3, easily. so hearty, so rich in beefy flavor, wonderful variety of textures, my stew meat turned out super tender, i mean i was just so pleased. it was all so worth it. and it made like 3 quarts! i put one in the fridge to eat at work next week, one in the freezer for later, a pint and a half for boss, and one last single serving for myself for tonight. the other thing i made was this, which i ended up eating so much of last night! i was so on my game last night, everything was perfectly roasted and seasoned. i enjoyed it even before i added the vinaigrette and parsley, but as the reviews said, that's really what sets it off. the whole meal was so bright and tangy and smoky and rich and delicious. i'm excited that the vinaigrette will be sitting in the fridge until i take it to work monday, because the garlic in it (which i mashed together with the salt to make paste) will really bloom between now and then. i left a lot of dishes for myself to do tonight (sigh) and went to bed exhausted last night, but wow what a satisfying night. i've mentioned before that i love to make things, i love to see something come to fruition. and it's so exhilarating to see my passion and energy for cooking coming back in such full force. i love eating healthy, flavorful food made exactly the way i like it. the weather today was crazy good. it's nice that spring is coming but it makes me sad because i hate the summer so, so much. SO much. i've never truly been able to enjoy the spring because those warm days put me on edge, i'm just thinking okay. this is nice but soon it's going to be too warm. nj is famous for this kind of bullshit. one day in may you're chillin, it's spring, a crisp 70 degrees. snap your fingers, the next day it's fucking 87 and 90% humidity. spring's over, bitch. boss just texted me that he loved the soup. he is legendary for how picky an eater he is, so gotta tell ya, feels good man. anyway, so i'm just sitting here with my little bud, getting ready to tackle this kitchen. it's cool tonight, raining outside, but warm enough to have all of the windows open. the air is so refreshing. my brother and SIL are fighting super hard today. it was kind of killing my vibe because the situation was so ridiculous. SIL did something that was so rude and inconsiderate and such a major thing to lie to your spouse and go behind their back about. my brother was so upset and then later SIL texted me and seemed to really have no concept of why he was upset or why what she did was really fucked up. they both were giving me completely different sides of the story, leaving out pretty important things that they said or did, and i was like yo. it's your marriage, figure it out. but if it were me? i'd do x, and that's all i'm going to say on the matter from now on. maybe i'll talk about it another night but i want to be responsible and get the kitchen clean tonight, while i'm still motivated. a regular customer came in tonight and was talking about how he'll be gone for a bit because he's going on vacation. boss is like oh who's going, and cust starts listing the people, which include his wife, his five kids, his ex wife (with whom he had two of the five kids), her husband, and their kids. boss was like wtf? and he's like yeah, we're all great friends. we do everything together. and it's great that the kids get to see their siblings so often. isn't that shit magical? i'm so happy to hear about that. okay so now i'm really going. bye! |