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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
skills, plans, recognition.
2019-05-10 @ 11:35 p.m.
ugh, i know, me again. lord god almighty am i so happy we got good weed this week. last week it was absolute trash, like i have so much left that i was just going to throw out, but i'll make some butter or something out of it i guess. i was thinking about updating my resume the other day and i opened it and looked and it and just felt totally overwhelmed by the amount of new skills i have learned. there are several new and different industries in which i could certainly get a foot in the door now, earning comparably to what i made teaching. i always have a backup in the back of my mind, just in case. JUST IN CASE. you never, ever know what could happen. i know that now. so have a vague plan in mind of what you would do in case the fucking worst happens to you. having a basic outline of what you'll helps keep you from freezing up if/when it does happen. i digress. so i was thinking about that, and then i thought that now, not only do i have a lot of new skills but i also know people around here. they know me and they like me. several of boss's friends who own local competing businesses have told me that if i ever leave him, the door is open. that is awesome. this lead me to super lightly consider getting a part-time spot somewhere that pays a lot. just to jump start my finances so i can get the business going again. but then i thought, if i'm working two jobs, i'll have no time or desire to even think about the business. and i don't want to take up a position somewhere where someone else needs it more, just to quit in 6 months to a year. so i think i'm probably just going to work some more hours at work since i love it, and my main motivation when i boil it down is making a little more money. that's the easiest solution that requires the least rearranging of my life. i'm not going to go on and on tonight, i have some work to do. plenty of dishes, my cat wants to play. he woke me up SO early this morning, i'm fucking exhausted right now. he wanted to get scratched and snuggled but once i started with him, i knew it would be an effort to get back to sleep, so i decided to just stay up. he wanted to play like a crazy guy, was just doing all of this weird random shit. trying to open the front door after he saw me go out to get the mail. pouncing me every time i left or entered the room. he was being so silly, but it was fun getting to hang out for so long in the morning together. this evening, i saw one of boss's friends who owns a similar but different business nearby. i really like the guy, and he always flirts with me (respectfully, never creepily). DR and i were over there picking something up. we were getting ready to leave and he said happy mother's day ...? and i said nope, not a mother! and he said why not? and i said "because i don't wanna be!" super sassy, and he said, "that's why i love you!" THAT was also awesome. i've realized that these little moments, these little exchanges i have with people that are so meaningful to me are the ones where they're saying, i'm seeing you. i recognize you. i see that you're smart, you work hard, you have your own personality and opinions. but even more significant, a man who respects that i don't want children, who likes that i know this about myself. no snide remarks, no trying to convince me i should change my mind, or that i'm missing out, or whatever. just a hey, you're cool. thank you. haha omg, i wrote all of that then accidentally clicked on something with my sweatshirt. bless you, chrome, for autosaving my shit. that means it's time to go! i hope there aren't too many typos in this but my allergies are so extreme right now and i'm all benadryl'd up, plus the lack of sleep. i can barely write right now, so there's no way i can proofread. hoping for the best! haha. |