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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
would you want to know?
2019-05-30 @ 9:56 p.m.
boss called me late last night to ask if i would take his wife and MIL to the hospital today in philly so wife could have a quick procedure. why he was not taking his own wife for this i do not know, because she was obviously super nervous about it, but their marriage is something i will never understand. so of course i said it was no problem. i came in at 1 and this took pretty much all day (of our open hours, i mean). we got back at like 5ish (traffic going out of the city back into NJ is always just fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck -___-), after i took them to grab their dinner and i took myself to get some lunch! i thought i was going to eat while i was in the waiting area but the procedure took less than half as long as the dr said it would so i figured i'd just wait until we got back and get something i actually wanted. anyway, we got back and boss was ... strange. he asked how everything went and all that, but was obviously waiting to tell me something. so he's like, "so, you heard about [accountant]." and i said no, what? and he said, the cancer spread to his brain. fuck, man. there's so much to say about this but first and foremost, he is boss's friend for years now. boss is just distraught over this. i've mentioned a few times that boss is the kind of person who just refuses to talk about death as though it's a thing that can really happen to someone he knows. it bothers and disturbs him so he just won't acknowledge it. usually. this, he has to acknowledge. because boss has 22 bank accounts, 10 different business entities that he operates under, numerous real estate holdings, i mean the list goes on. not only is accountant intimately familiar with all of this mess, but he also has most of boss's original paperwork. accountant has been fighting cancer for a while now, and boss has been too afraid of asking for his files back because he didn't want to offend accountant and make him feel like he doubted his ability to do the work while he was sick. he also didn't want accountant to think that he thought he wouldn't recover. i kept telling boss to just tell him that he wanted to have them just because he wanted to have them! tell him anything! but don't get caught in a situation where you're up a creek because you never asked and now you don't have the chance to. but here we are. the other thing that is so shit about this situation is that accountant has just been suffering for so long. it was in his leg, in his knee. over last summer he had to start walking with a cane. he was talking to boss's wife one day in the office with us and he was saying that he had been treating himself with CBD oil and had noticed that the pain had greatly subsided and the cancer stopped spreading. the doctors saw that it had stopped spreading. he was so happy with it and felt great. he went in to have a surgery but the doctor messed it up and his leg became super infected. he wanted to sue the doctor but every lawyer he went to told him that because of the CBD oil, he wouldn't have a case because it isn't legal here and wasn't prescribed to him, so he gave up on the lawsuit. the new specialist he was seeing told him to stop taking the oil because it might interfere with the chemo meds they were going to put him on, so he did. then the cancer started spreading again. they amputated his leg a few months ago. he was so upset and had been in rehab ever since. but just a couple of weeks ago he was able to go home, finally, with his new metal leg. he was feeling somewhat better. and now, this. a few hours later, boss received another couple of calls from his two friends who also use accountant. they were all trying to figure out what to do because they didn't want to be insensitive to accountant at a time like this, but also because they hadn't yet filed their taxes this year. because accountant had been in and out of the hospital and in rehab, he filed extensions for everyone. but now, he can't work like this. at first, he told boss on the phone that he has maybe a month left that he'll be able to work. when the friends called later in the evening, accountant had been told he only had 6 months to live. jesus fucking christ, man. it's so scary that you can go from doing pretty well to 6 months to live in such a short time. i mean, i know that anything can happen. but, the way time flies, it feels like just yesterday that he was going to be fine. it seems like just yesterday that he was going in for his first chemo. it seems like just yesterday that we met. it's so sad. for his kids, his wife. shit. boss said, what do you think is better, to know how long you have left, or for it to be a surprise? i voted firmly on the side of knowing. you can make better choices, you can go without regrets. you can see the people you haven't seen, go where you wanted to go. say what you need to say. for me, the crisis center was the turning point of my life. i started feeling that i'm going to treat each day like it could be my last, because it really could be. i could have a stroke or something right now, it wouldn't be unheard of at my age. so i do all of those things every day now. i go to bed each night feeling that i got somewhere, and that i'm making it count. if i did die tomorrow i wouldn't feel that bad about these last two years of my life. but i'd prefer to know, so i could spend my time telling someone my story, and telling everyone i love them. on a lighter note, because this has been really depressing. i had a giant pastrami sandwich for lunch from my favorite jewish deli, something i haven't had in a few years actually. well, i had half for lunch and half for dinner just now (delicious both times). it was pretty expensive for a sandwich and i felt kind of guilty about spending the money on it, but it was a treat. anyway, when i got back in to the office with it i found out everything was good with the apartment i had been working on - the tenants had arrived, the checks had been received, the leases were executed, and i was DONE. what a relief, because i hate this process. later on JC and boss were doing their paperwork because JC is going on vacation again tomorrow, and i finished the last step of doing the rentals, which is taking all of the tenant paperwork and making a file. i said to boss, is there anything else i need to print or do or put in this? or am i done? like DONE, done? and he says, you're done. so i said hallelujah!! and threw that thing in the filing cabinet and slammed it. as i was walking back around boss's desk he's like HERE and jammed all this money in my hand. i said wtf? because it was so random and out of nowhere, but he said it was my commission for renting the place. it was even more than last time. thank you, boss. i'm going to go pay my electric bill. apparently they came to turn off MS's electricity today but boss's dad lied and told them he didn't have a key to the basement, where our breakers are located. i said, that was really nice of you. you saved him. boss's dad said he wouldn't have done it if not for MS's son. i've asked boss time after time why he continues to help MS out, and he has said the same thing. the child should not suffer for his parent's bad decisions. while i get it, i think the child should see that bad decisions have consequences, too. my parents went way too hard on this but there is value in it. i have always thought twice, and then three times, about doing things. MS's son isn't a baby, he's like 17. i don't think a hard dose of reality is inappropriate. but what do i know. it's late, so i guess i'm eating snacks, showering, and going to bed now. i got home really late due to boss and JC doing their paperwork so it was nice spending time with you for a few hours. i can't believe tomorrow is friday already. boss is really going to close on saturday since JC will be gone, so i can work at the other place with ER if i want to. i'm undecided - it's supposed to be beautiful saturday and i kind of don't want to miss out, but i DID say i was going to work extra hours. i also could just bring files home and work at home all day, then i'd kind of get the best of both worlds. money and pajamas. hmmmm. weirdo is doing great, also. really, everything is good. thank you for any well wishes and good vibes you sent my way. they made it here :D <3 (haha that looks like a fart) |