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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
constipation, right vs wrong, escape.
2019-07-03 @ 9:03 p.m.
i started writing earlier today, and i decided to abandon it because it really wasn't about anything interesting, just the passing storm. it was beautiful. that, and that boss was in a shitty mood since the morning. everyone told me he came in and was just straight yelling at everyone over the dumbest shit. so when he came back from wherever he was all day i was like so, what's your problem today? everyone says you're all crazy. and he was like, well first of all i didn't get to take a shit this morning. and i was like oh man, every time you've ever told me you started the day like that, it's been a miserable day. so i think it really affects your mood. then of course he rattled off all the other things that set him off, but they were minor things that he blew out of proportion and just made everyone upset, especially DR. after this conversation he received a call from a customer's "brother" who claims we sold the girl some fucked up shit and they wanted the money back and were going to call the state police (lol?). boss was being super chill in the beginning, hearing this dude out and offering for the girl to bring the item back in so he could check it out for her, to make anything right. sometimes when we sell something of unknown origin refurbished, he puts an aftermarket warranty on it at HIS expense, just in case. so he's trying to tell the guy, "if it's a major thing, i put a warranty on it ..." and then the dude starts with the threats (this dude - who had nothing to do with the transaction, by the way - had already called and threatened ER before this). boss was all agitated and started complaining that he gets super upset and it makes his stomach and his whole body hurt. i said you have to consciously work to calm yourself down, and try to nip those feelings (of freaking out) in the bud before it escalates. it's a skill you have to develop, you can't just say "man i want to stop freaking out all the time" but take 0 steps toward achieving that. he said yeah, i remember a few months ago i got really upset like this. and i said yeah, i remember it too. do you even remember what it was about? and he said no, not at all. so i said, was it worth it? a little time passed and ER came in and i'm not even going to get started on the argument because i'm not trying to write a novel here, but he and boss started arguing over something that often comes up, and i said that boss was being unreasonable. after ER left, boss was like if i'm having a conversation like that with one of the employees, don't interject. and i said i'm GOING to interject if you're being shitty to someone. i don't fucking care. he started going in on all of this history he and ER had and all of the nice things he's done for him in his life and how he's doing a favor to ER to even keep employing him. and i said that's cool, and ER appreciates that. but i'm not going to sit here and watch you be: 1. unreasonable, 2. completely unjust (this very issue had come up no less than 15 minutes before when boss had NO PROBLEM with the fucking thieving, lying, racist, sexist, hypocritical pig that is JC* doing the exact same thing as ER), and 3. unfair just because you personally don't like ER. that's not going to fly with me. he kept trying to dance around the issue but i will make you talk some shit out with me. don't start with me if you don't want to finish. i said i never interfere in your shit, and he kept wanting me to say that this wasn't an issue between me and him so i had no say in it. and i said again, that's cool with every other thing. but this issue here is one that comes up often, with all of the employees (except me, i'm exempt from this rule), and i will not stand by and let you do wrong by someone. you say you're this nice guy, so walk the fucking walk. what you are doing is not cool and i don't care, i won't abide it. if you want to be shitty to someone, then take them into the other room but do not do it in front of me. you KNOW you are wrong, and on this, i will tell you. i said you know, if you want to punish people then punish them directly for the things they are doing. everyone knows what JC is, but boss never says anything. he never really does anything. DR came and wrote all of these checks and made all of these charges to boss's card after being told multiple times just this week NOT to do that without asking. boss said nothing. TS is super lazy and often outright refuses to do stuff boss asks him to. boss does nothing. i said, confront DR and tell him to pay you back, you know he has the money. tell TS to go home for the rest of the day. he gets paid per diem so he would feel that and become more agreeable, i guarantee it. stop these behaviors that you are allowing to ruin your business instead of just complaining about them and instead working yourself up over completely minor, random shit. was any of it fucking worth it? so we finished the bills and i called amz to find out what the cc charges were (amazing customer service by the way, it's like the old days when you would just call a place and a regular human person answered the phone after one ring and resolved your issue in one session, incredible), and we walked out. he said he was going to go home and eat and try to relax, and i said please make sure you poop tomorrow so you're in a better mood. then i went to the "dollar" store and bought some charcoal. we have a little portable grill at work that gets passed around and my brother made such good chicken at the party this weekend that i asked to borrow it so i could make some for myself. while in the store, i saw they have the exact same model for like $19 but i didn't want to spend like $40 right now (i was already getting other stuff in addition to the charcoal), it's not in the budget this week. TS said he's tired of grilled food for a while so i can keep it as long as i want. that's alright with me, i have a lot of grilled recipes in my queue. speaking of recipes, speaking of food. i HAVE to start working out again. i was playing with my cat and saw myself from far away and was like ugh, jesus christ. i look fucking terrible. the thing is, i've been the same weight for the past 3 years, but my body feels worse now. that's a sign to me that i have lost muscle and flexibility. my clothes fit differently and my boobs are definitely bigger. i know a lot of this is water weight because i've been eating way too much fast food, too. i really have to knock it off, and i really need to do this. i'm only going to feel worse and worse and the only one to blame is me. yo, i can't fucking WAIT for this week to be over. it will be dead tomorrow because despite boss's level of deep denial - we are always dead on the 4th. then friday, then i will finally, FINALLY have a weekend completely to myself. i knew it was going to be like this but man am i socially exhausted. like not only did i have to use up so much of my energy physically being around people, but there was so much planning and phone time and texting to coordinate everything. now, best friend texted me i think on tuesday? to ask what weekend we can do an expensive trip and i'm like ... i can't even think about it right now, i'm sorry. i can't even decide if i want to go out on saturday or if i just want to hide in my home in the dark. it's supposed to be thunderstormy (random storms every day for the next two weeks forecast, of course) but i kind of want to just take the chance because i need to escape. it's all been too much. need some sun, some quiet time, some forest time. then on sunday i need to clean everything, it's a fucking mess in here. goodnight, dland <3 (i'm sorry i didn't proofread) |