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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
friends and family.
2019-12-18 @ 4:11 p.m.
i have only a week until christmas! i feel kind of panicked because it all comes so fast, or it WILL come so fast once saturday hits. i have a pretty substantial amount of cooking to do, a tiny bit of shopping left, a tiny bit of knitting left, and 100% of my wrapping to complete. it's not that much in terms of like, actual minutes needed, but things keep coming up, i have to do little things after work, mr. able came back and needs me to write some letters for him, and it adds up. i get home and it's already kind of late and i have personal stuff i have to do too, and of course i just got my period, so the pressure is on but i feel totally exhausted. i know i can do it, i just have to push through. yesterday when i came in, boss was in the parking lot talking to a guy for a long time. then i left to pick up his lunch and came back and he was still there with the guy. i was like, okay, they must be talking business. and it turns out they were, as boss came in and told me he had a VERY interesting conversation. so this dude he was talking to is the person who outbid boss on this house that he wanted to buy to give to me. boss was telling the guy about this, and was curious as to how the guy got the house because boss had offered 10k over asking but still didn't get it. then the guy reveals that he was dating boss's realtor's daughter. aha. so it was just a matter of "dibs." it kind of sucks because i looked up the MLS listing and the house would have been perfect for me - it's a tiny little thing, 2 beds and 1 bath with a partially finished basement. i could have the office space i need, AND take all of my personal stuff out of storage at the new place. boss said he told the guy he'd still buy it from him if he would sell it, so maybe i'll get lucky. honestly i like the location of my current place much more, but if he renovated it to be as nice as my apartment is then i'd probably love it. so we'll see! but the thing about this conversation was that boss is really close with his realtor, so he was kind of shocked and hurt that the guy did this behind boss's back and said absolutely nothing to him about it, knowing how badly and why boss wanted the house. boss had another incident like this where a guy from the neighborhood had been working with him for months, probably almost a year now, stripping and reselling stuff for the junk/scrap metal money. suddenly, like 2-3 weeks ago, we completely stopped hearing from the neighborhood guy. boss was getting antsy because in his estimation, he was making a good $30k a year just from being this guy's middleman. he finally gets ahold of the dude and is like yo, where have you been? are you okay? were you in the hospital?? and the dude was like no, i just started doing the work myself and skipping the middleman. and boss was just like oh, okay i guess. boss tried to act like he was cool with it but i got offended for him. boss put himself out so many times for this dude, STILL houses some of this dude's merchandise that he doesn't have room for (and it's a substantial amount of space), always paid him right away and always paid him extra if he felt that he "owed" it to this guy, and regularly told this guy he was "family." he always tells his realtor that he's family too. and look at how they did him. it's not a HUGE deal or a huge offense or anything, but i think it was shitty of the resale guy to not say anything at all to boss that he was slowing down or changing his process, knowing boss's money situation. and same thing with his realtor. just say "nah man my daughter's boyfriend wants the property," and that's that. but why let someone catch you on it? it just seems so disrespectful and not very family-like at all. the reason i am so offended where boss is not is because i know what these people really think of him. we are all of the same minority, and boss is a foreigner whose people are often looked upon quite poorly by my people. they would never, ever say it to him, but as soon as he has left the room and i was alone with these people, "my people," they immediately made denigrating remarks about him and his culture to me. i've tried to tell him to stop being so overly kind to them because i know for a fact they wouldn't do the same for him, but he never believed me, and i didn't want to repeat what they'd said to me because that's the ultimate betrayal amongst my people. but here we are today, and i feel terrible for him because he's so honest and tries so hard to be friends with everyone, but ... it just be like that sometimes. anyway, enough about racism because it's fucking depressing. now, let's talk about annoying people. i've told you a million times that i love my brother to death. but this fucking guy sometimes. we made plans last week, definitive plans, to go visit my grandmother. the day of, i'm getting ready and notice the time and that it was supposed to snow in the afternoon so i'm like dude, you should leave soon so we can try to miss as much of this weather as possible. he's like oh shit i forgot, i have so much stuff to do around the house. i'll just come next week at christmas. i said absolutely not, #1 you committed to doing this and i made my schedule around it, #2 our grandmother already knows we are coming because my mom told her over the weekend, and #3 she said the only thing she wants for christmas is to see us. like stop drinking in secret and get yourself together and let's fucking go. so he actually makes it after a tense couple of hours, comes up here fucking reeking of booze, but whatever, and we go. the trip was amazing, the place she lives is so nice and she was in a fantastic mood again. she was being so silly and making jokes and playing with her power recliner. usually she gets tired of guests after like 20 minutes but we stayed for nearly 2.5 hours and even then i had to tell her we had to leave before rush hour (and we hadn't eaten a bite of food yet). it was a great visit and everything was really great. i feel so good knowing she's there and happy and safe. my brother and i left and went to have lunch/dinner at this place i've been wanting to go forever. he orders his own food, then two more dishes to go. he spent like almost $70 on food. okay. so then yesterday passes, i finish the last of my christmas shopping on amz and call him today asking what he and SIL got my parents, if they wanted to go in on anything with me. he's like no, we didn't get anyone anything because we have no money. then about 15 minutes later he calls me back after he has left work and is telling me about his schedule and whatnot and casually lets slip that he has an appointment for a $1000 tattoo in a couple of weeks ....?? so i'm thinking like ... wtf dude? you're about to spend literally a mortgage payment on a tattoo, and just spent $70 on random food, and aren't even getting (or even making??) any kind of gifts for our fucking parents, the people who singlehandedly bankrolled your entire house-buying experience? like between the two of you, you can't each come up with $20 for something for our parents? okay? and here i am making nearly minimum wage, but i planned ahead like a responsible adult so i'd be able to give them a few decent, thoughtful gifts? i genuinely don't understand wtf they are doing or thinking sometimes, and in years past i'd be all worried and panicking trying to find a last-minute gift we could put all of our names on, but i'm not about that life anymore. time to stop taking responsibility for other people and their lack of planning. anyway, that's all. my original intention was to talk more about how awesome the visit with my grandmother was, but i got into all of this negative shit. but it was really, really good. i honestly felt like i was high on happiness when i left. she was bright and alert and laughing, just like the old times. just like i remember her before she became house-bound and depressed. that's what i really think it was, depression. she said it makes her heart so happy to see me so happy now, and i said i feel the same way about her. "we're just two single ladies living on our own!" i told her, and she chuckled. i love her so much. i swear if i died tomorrow i'd be content just having seen her smile like that again. alright, boss and i have some bank accounts to reconcile. i was supposed to be working this whole time but i needed to get that stuff off my chest, and i need to finish my handmade gifts this evening, before it's too late! so no writing at home for me. okay i don't have time to proofread so i hope it's all good! hopefully i'll write again soon. <3 |