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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
somehow this turned into a rant about how MS sucks.
2020-01-10 @ 11:24 p.m.
today i am feeling ever so slightly better. my body still feels terrible but i didn't wake up and cry into my coffee for a half hour this morning, it was only like 10 minutes, so that's a start. this morning the crematorium called me to say my baby would be returned to me on tuesday. that was a really hard conversation, even though it was just a minute. i wasn't expecting it and i had been having such a good morning, and bam. i wish he had called earlier, and not right as i was about to leave, but you can't always get what you want. i went to the produce market the other day, the day i didn't write this week (i was so mean and terrible in that entry that i never posted it), and today finished up the shopping at the regular store. i'm going to cook my sadness away. i have like 3 weeks of meals planned out with a lot of cooking scheduled for sunday. i actually had to write out an itinerary for myself because i'm making a lot of complicated things, and it will save me a lot of time to have some of this prep done and the area, as well as the fridge, cleaned out in advance. like my fridge is so packed i genuinely can't fit one more thing in there. so i'm excited to start all of this and get all of those veg made into meals. cooking produces a tangible result, so it's especially satisfying for me. and you have to be paying attention to it, monitoring it, stirring and tasting. very active for me. completely unrelated to anything, i got an email the other day that my internet was being suspended for nonpayment. i had the money, and even made a special trip to the bank to deposit it so i could pay it in time, but i was so out of it that i just completely forgot and didn't. i got the email while i was at work, and was in a terrible mood, and decided i'd wait to pay it until later that evening because MS has been leeching off of my service for TWO YEARS. he promised he'd give me $40 a month (toward my $180 bill) when i signed up for it, and i said sure, and then of course he never paid me one single penny toward the bill, despite me asking him multiple times, and ER confronting him about it too. anyway, i was like yo this asshole can wait until i get home and turn it back on. so i got home and all of my stuff still works? i don't know how or why but i still have service over here. but i know he doesn't over there, because if i mute my tv i can hear his through my closet, and it's been silent for several days now. good. he can sweat it out. i'm sure he won't tell his kid why the internet is off because he'll have to explain that he has been mooching from me all this time. and if he does tell him, it'll be some elaborate fucking lie and not his fault, as usual. i didn't realize how much i disliked MS until one night boss and i were talking about how shitty he was and i was like wow, this guy is boy #2. just like boy, MS can be perfectly pleasant and friendly to your face but has no qualms whatsoever about fucking you. so RW, our "helper," is mentally disabled. he's just a little slow, but slow enough that he has a hard time getting and keeping a regular job, difficult time with emotional regulation, random outbursts. you know what i mean. i don't know if i ever mentioned that. so while MS was working with us, he somehow convinced RW to put his (MS's) car into his (RW's) name, add him to his insurance, and pay for MS's vehicle registration and tags because MS was "having a hard time" and his license has been suspended for years (he owes like $2-3k to the state in fines and surcharges). in NJ the cops just scan your license plate as you're driving by and it shows all of your personal info and reg status. so if MS were to register and insure the car as himself, he'd be pulled over immediately. but not if he finds an innocent patsy. so yeah, of course this dickhole doesn't pay RW regularly, or on time, ever. like can you even imagine being that kind of person? if MS gets in an accident or something, all of the liability is on RW. boss and i tried to sit him down and explain it to him one night, like just to make sure he really understood what he signed up for. he said he did and was willing to physically go collect if need be. we said okay, and minded our own business. last weekend, RW had to come take the plates off of the car because MS kept blowing him off. when he warned MS that he was going to do it, MS got this attitude and told him to go fuck himself and RW could do whatever he had to do but MS wasn't going to help him do it. all of this to say, if i sound kind of petty for leaving my internet off just to spite this guy, he more than deserves it. do the math: he owes me almost $1000! alright well, time to try to relax. that vent about MS felt good, he's so fucking shady. when it was just me, i was like whatever, it's not really putting me out to share my wifi with him, which is why i never changed the password on him. but to take advantage of the "slow" guy? like how fucking low are you. ugh. well, thank you for being here for another entry of absolutely no substance. writing is a nice distraction. it helps a lot to settle my brain. i don't really know how to end this, so goodnight i guess. |