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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
two cool cats, and staying single.
2019-05-08 @ 9:32 p.m.
i just remembered that i was talking to boss the other night about my budget and stuff i'm saving up for, etc. i am very busy trying to rent this expensive apartment we have asap (the one where i said i felt bad for the tenant who was having that situation but sometimes life sucks), and i had written up a lease and everything for these people who said they'd "do anything" to get this unit, including pay extra to hold it, if we made their lease for june 1 instead of may. so i wrote up the lease and boss said okay, we'll just charge you $400 (less than 1/3 of a regular month's rent!) to hold it for may, and after the repairs are done we'll give you access so you can start moving your stuff in whenever you want. after like 24 hours(?) they replied and were like nah, $400 is too much. like wtf dude? so i guess you weren't really willing to do anything for it? and because of this i had taken down the ad and turned away some other people who were ready to strike on it. anyway, i didn't mean to totally go on a tangent there but now that i'm thinking back on it, it was pretty annoying. so last year when i was renting these units, he gave me a pretty substantial bonus for each signed lease. i didn't know if he was planning to do it again and didn't ask, because whatever, it's my job and i'd have to do it anyway. so when i was talking about all of my savings and shit, and how i hadn't worked over the weekend so my check is not going to be impressive, he said man, that bonus would have been nice right now. and i was like fuck yeah it would have been, but i'm really hustling. i'll get it soon. and he said yeah, i know you are. i said it's cool, when i don't make that much i just know i can't take myself out to extravagant dinners. i have to wait. and he says, anytime you want an extravagant dinner, you let me know. of course i'm never going to ask him to do that, but it's the thought that counts. i mean, come on. this guy is the best. like on top of everything, i love my boss too. it's all so great! there are several dudes who are into me and i'm really not into it at all. above all, i just don't want to be in a relationship anytime soon. i am open to finding someone to fuck super, super casually. but i truly don't want to expend even one ounce of my energy on going out and getting to know anyone so unless it's one of our cool customers or someone from town i don't see too often, i can't see it happening anytime soon either. but also very importantly, these men have something not desirable going on about them. dude's creepy, like rapist creepy. dude is married. dude is fucking 30 years older than me. dude is unemployed. dude is an alcoholic. you know? i mean i guess you shoot your shot, i guess i can respect that. but they're so persistent even after i've indicated that it's not going to happen. not for anybody. it's not that you're barking up the wrong tree, you're barking at a wall. why did this never fucking happen when i was actually on the market!? what the actual fuck. these are not the guys that i wish were beating my door down but i guess it's a step in the right direction. when i was single for like four fucking years after high school, i might as well have been literally, actually, invisible. did i really look that terrible? was i just that awkward? maybe they were all there but i was so inside my own head that i didn't even notice them trying it? was i just extremely bad at social cues? you wish that the people in your life were honest enough to give you a serious assessment. maybe you do have some people like that, but as you know, we don't talk about anything in my family. so i can't trust that anyone would give me a serious, objective answer except for my mother, who would just be overjoyed at the opportunity to expound on my faults. oh well. it's cool, i'm different now. you know, now that i think about it a little more, i think i was pretty obviously miserable back then. i remember back to how depressed and negative and hateful i felt while i was with boy, but at the time i thought it was doing great compared to before. now, i'm like yeesh. maybe i already know the answer to my own questions. i got onto this thought because boss's friend came by randomly, just to visit, and was showing me photos of his amazing trip, and his new amazing car. he really likes me but i told boss to just kind of drop in conversation that i'm not available, and if he persists, that i don't date guys with kids. he's super nice and super rich, does all of this cool traveling and stuff. just a few years older than me, from canada originally. i honestly really like him too, he's not at all my usual type but we're not doing my type anymore, so that's a good thing. but i'm just not getting involved with a guy with kids. it's out of the question so i'm not even going to put myself in that situation again. and an update on my fan, which no one fucking cares about but me: it was cool but pretty humid today and the fan did a great job. i'm wrapped up in a sweatshirt with the hood on and a pair of socks and i'm pretty chilly. the true test will be when we get our first day in the mid eighties, but once again. so far so good. really great purchase. i am sooooooo thankful it is still cool! and if the 10 day is to be trusted, we won't get 80s for another two weeks almost. it was a swampy kind of hot last year and i was miserable until well into october. i get to wear a sweatshirt to work tomorrow. bless. so! time for some fruit, then bed early again. we left late again tonight and boss said awesome, you're racking up the hours this week. and i said i know, i have to pay you rent next week so i figured i should try to owe you as little as possible. he's like you know, you could come in two hours earlier every day. i'm like yeah, i bet you'd like that, wouldn't you. i was just being sassy but he really would. he's addicted to work. life your life man! me, i have a hot date with my little chunky boy. i love him so much. i was telling my mother today that i always call him to come to bed with me but he never comes right away, usually he comes a little after the sun comes up, a few hours before i wake up, and sleeps the rest of the morning with me. at night, i usually take my vitamins, call him to come to bed, then read news or whatever on my phone for a half hour before i'm ready to fall asleep. it's super dark in my room except for the tv's glow. the past few nights i leaned over to put my phone on the nightstand and noticed my little dude is quietly chilling inside of one of the open shelves on my bookshelf. i said it was so cute that he did come to be with me after all. our pets are so precious. at some point after i'm asleep, he goes out and does his cat stuff, then comes back after the sun is up and he's had his fill of bird watching. lays all over my legs and tries his best to get me to wake up. but he doesn't try very hard unless he's hungry, because he loves to snuggle too <3 ahhh anyway. i never can shut up! i got nothing accomplished tonight except snuggling and eating and writing. good night. |